In another post, I talked about how to get out of the trap of pornography. Here are four of the strongest reasons most guys feel like a pornography habit or addiction is a trap:
Shame
Guilt
Fear of getting caught
Fear of rejection
What would life be like with a clear conscience?
Someone recently helped me understand the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is about what I’ve done. Shame is the person I become because of what I’ve done.
See the difference?
What about those fears?
Getting caught in the act could be one of the scariest things to imagine. Pants down. Dark room. Standing in front of a screen and video. Does even reading that make you squirm?
And what about the fear of actually telling someone about it? To be 100% transparent, here’s what I thought before I ever told anyone: “There is no way this person would hang around me if they knew about this in my life.”
And on and on could the narrative go, always believing people would think the worst of me if they only knew. And thus, the trap. Because who wants to hear, “Oh, you pervert! Stay away from me!”
The Deepest Part of the Trap
Here is where the trap gets its deepest and usually the most dangerous. The fear of being alone – loneliness, along with isolation. No one cares and no one will notice if I am gone. The loneliness can be without another human being in the room, or it can be in a crowd.
When a guy begins to not care, that is dangerous ground. And if you are that guy, please know I am a resource for you. I know exactly how you feel and I care! That is precisely why I am in this line of work.
You need to know you are not alone and the fears, shame, and guilt do not rule over you! I have shared on this before – the more you get the courage to talk about this with others, beginning with just one person you trust, the more courage you will gain.
I believe the power of those dark feelings of shame, guilt, and overwhelming fear is inversely proportional to how much we are talking about the habit in our lives.
So, the sooner you get started talking to someone not only about this habit, but how to break out of the trap, the sooner you will find the power to get to live with a clear conscience.
How freeing would that be!
You can begin by scheduling a 30 minute Restoration Session with me today.