Stop Derailing Your Direction and Purpose
Updated: Dec 6, 2021
This powerful positive emotion goes beyond feeling. Why? Because it takes more than feeling right to continue on the path to a life without pornography.
And life isn’t just about avoiding things that cause us harm. When a guy finally quits pornography, there are horizons he never saw before.
Much like when I told my son before he went to college he would make friends he didn’t know yet. When we drove over to meet him for his 20th birthday, a dozen people showed up to eat with us!
As long as the direction and path move forward there will be unseen curves, unexpected climbs and likely some dark places along the way. But it’s movement with purpose on the path that counts, even if it doesn’t feel like it!
Without a sense of purpose, there is almost never a sense of having finished. Because he doesn’t know what direction he’s going, he never knows if he’s arrived!
By getting on a path, he assumes a destination. A direction and therefore purpose.
When a purpose is determined, making other decisions becomes easier. While living within a purpose and having a clear direction for his life, consuming pornography eventually becomes a tiny blip of a distraction as opposed to a mountain of an obstacle to overcome.
When I begin coaching guys around trying to quit pornography, I usually try and start with determining what direction he wants to go in. I do this by asking him who he wants to become.
I will occasionally see if he wants to name this man. Such as, “Determined-to-win Mitch” or “Confident Mike.” I ask what will it be like to meet him – how will others feel around him?
Learning to balance how it will feel to get there and choosing to stay on the path also remains important. This journey isn’t just for a few days or weeks. It’s a lifetime commitment.
It’s certainly what keeps me going doing this work! My life took a (mostly) unexpected turn a year and a half ago when I was let go from a job I’d had for 16 years. After the severance, gone went the stability and predictability of regular paychecks.
I began the process of digging deep and learning more and more why I keep on doing this work of trying to build a coaching business around helping men quit pornography, all the while keeping my faith in God as steady as possible.
I have had a trusted colleague suggest I shouldn’t focus so much on working with men and quitting pornography because it’s too narrow a niche. I agree on the second part, but not on the first.
My why still stands. I want to help you. Yes, you who may be reading this and wonders if you still have purpose! If a pornography habit has derailed your direction – let’s reclaim it!