Moving Toward the Possible
Inherently (and ironically) consuming pornography strips away the ability to see the possibilities of a life free from it. The power of trying to get to the next fix and finding just the right video to fulfill that fantasy necessarily narrows the focus to the moment.
The shallow, ethereal, and vaporous moment when they “come true” on the screen. Above, when I say this is ironic, it’s because of how seemingly limitless broadband pornography is. There is no fantasy he can think of that cannot be found online and viewed on a screen.
How then does this limit possibilities?
It doesn’t limit the possibility of the imagination, but it severely limits the possibilities of the man. His horizon will always be nearby. Inspiration will only be a small word he wishes he had more of.
To aspire to someone else? Well, that’s hardly thought of, except in those wispy moments of in-between.
Because pornography does give a sense of the new and novel, he may not believe he needs to be anyone else. Pointing out the idea of possibility and a new and unique life almost feels scary.
There’s risk in seeking out what isn’t yet. There’s a chance the possible comes to pass and then what?
While dreaming of a life full of intimacy and joy he always holds back because what if someone found out? What if someone could see inside him – would they reject him or be scared to be around him?
So many questions that don’t seem to have answers and finding possibility scary.
Living Into the Possible
How does a guy live into what’s possible?
First, he must define the possibility. Because if it’s not defined, how will he know he’s arrived?
Examples include saying “I love you” first. Or writing a genuine note on a piece of paper telling her how much he values her. It could be as simple as playing catch with your son when he isn’t expecting it or taking your girl out for ice cream just the two of you.
All of these are simple ways to define the possible in a man’s life.
How does he risk?
I understand most people don’t like risk. But there is just no way around it if a man sees possibilities from a distance and never steps toward them.
I hesitate to even suggest this, but I must: Think of the smallest risk you can take toward the possibility you see. Not just any risk. Risk moving you toward the possibility, not beside or around it. Within and toward. See the difference?
Eventually, the risk will become easier and it may not even feel like as much risk. Like the difference between stepping up to bat the first time versus the 20th time, or playing that piece on the piano.
You are worth the risk and the possibilities are endless -- take that step! Schedule a free 30 minute Restoration Session with me and we can begin exploring what's possible for your life.
With blessings on the journey,